Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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