If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
