I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
