I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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