dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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