i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
