So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
