saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
