Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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