So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
