I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize