By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
