Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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