This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize