her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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