WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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