Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
