This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
