Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize