She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
