Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
