Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
