I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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