I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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