I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
