Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
