I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
