He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
