Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize