You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
