party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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