I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Someone signed my nipple.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize