i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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