all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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