The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
