Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
