a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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