ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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