you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize