I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Farmville is her only friend.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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