Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize