Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
