I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
