hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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