Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
