you traded sex for a burrito?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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