NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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