Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My breasts were aching with rage.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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