How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
