Jerry, you need to find god
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize