I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize