she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
