one might say we're banned from that church
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
