a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
