walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
