dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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