Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
