I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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