he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
