tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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