my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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