I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
