I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
