im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
