Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
