The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
