Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize