So drunk its hurt
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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