I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
