I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
